Adrienne Writes

How important is the love of music to a relationship? And, does genre indicate social status?

Can a metal-lover happily date a smooth jazz lover? Can an R. Kelly fiend exist in the same sphere as a Corinne Bailey Rae listener? Well, yes and no. If you’re really into music, then your date, lover, significant other might click better with you if you both can appreciate the same kinds of music. This is not to say that you have to love your musics equally, but you do need to appreciate your musics equally.

I’m an all-over-the-place music lover, from Trans-Siberian Orchestra to Aerosmith to Talib Kweli to Billy Joel to Flo Rida to Mozart to Mary J. to Duke Ellington. I tend to like what I like on an individual song-by-song basis. I’m not held in by titles or barriers when it comes to music. And, as I penned in last year’s “What does Black Sound Like?” story that ran in the June 2008 Ebony, I’m not so certain that it’s healthy that we put our music into thinly-veiled racial categories. It’s very limiting.

My husband enjoys hip hop. So do I. I enjoy big band music. So does he. We have complementary musical tastes.

So back to dating and relating… Friend A has said that Guy B is no longer a prospect because he enjoyed Keyshia Cole and she can’t stand Keyshia. They have little in common, she says, and that is most evident when discussing music. He also adores R. Kelly, an artist that thought talented, Friend A says she can’t tolerate because of his alleged vices. Houston, we have a problem.

Friend A really likes Guy A, because Guy A loves old-school R&B. But, Guy A has no conversation topics outside of R&B news and factoids. He must glean all his daily news from a black music web site because, friend A says, he is incapable of discussing regular topics like the weather, Chicago’s Olympic bid, violence or hell, even the weird, ever-changing weather.

Friend B ditched Guy C because she got into his car and he was blasting “I wanna f*#$ her in the a*$.” He didn’t see the reason why she wanted him to turn it off. It was his car, right? He can listen to what he wants. But when “Beat that Bitch with a bat” came on, she decided that this would be the last night she’d go out with him. Friend B figures that if Guy C listens to such specifically-messaged music, it might affect his behavior.

(I have to admit, when I was in high school, I DID listen to that same kind of vulgar house music. I don’t listen to it anymore. I’m grown now and I totally understand the violence inherent in those songs. It wouldn’t surprise me if the guys that beat Derrion Albert to death probably listened to songs such as those before they went on their savage rail road tie rampage. But I digress)

I don’t think any grown man should be influenced negatively by music. But… what you put in always comes out.

And I don’t think music should come between true lovers, but if you’re arguing about what’s on the radio as you drive to the movies, perhaps you’re just not compatible at all. As far as social status is concerned: what say you? Does your choice of music denote your educational, monetary or social status?