A number of soon-to-be weds have asked me if the hubby and I had marriage counseling prior to tying the knot. Yes. We did. It’s a requirement of the church, in fact, and it was a requirement of the pastor. He told us that since he was marrying us, he is responsible before God for making sure that we understand the commitment we were about to undertake.
We had several good sessions. I can’t discuss everything that took place, but I do think it’s important for all couples to talk over what marriage means. I’ll never forget when the pastor asked us if either us of still had a little black book. He said that all of my friends needs to be the hubby’s friends and all of the hubby’s friends need to be my friends. And if we have friends who’ve yet to meet the other, then we all needed to have a collective pow wow or forever get rid of them from our lives.
Black books are for singles, he said. If you want to keep your black book, then you need to reevaluate why you’re getting married.
There were other lessons too, like how we would worship together, how we would raise children, where we would spend holidays, how we spend money, whether the hubby knows that I like to buy shoes and I know that he likes to buy CDs, what’s in each of our bank accounts, understanding each other’s credit score, liking each other’s parents/sisters/brothers, talking about household chores, talking about separate vs. combined bank accounts, discussing moving for the job (his or mine,) discussing sexual expectations and on and on and on.
You have to know who you are marrying and marriage counseling helps you see them in their totality. This way, if you don’t like what you learn, you can break off the engagement.
You don’t to be married before you realize that your wife has secret friends on the side and has no intention of getting rid of them. You don’t want to be married before you realize that your husband will make babies, but has no intention of helping you raise any babies.
These are questions you must ask. ANd if you like the answer great! If you don’t, then maybe it’s time to take a break.
People are who they are before you marry them, we were told. You must love them from the get-go because they will not change. At best, you will learn new things together and grow together as a married couple.
Are you on the fence about counseling? Don’t be. The best gift you can give your husband or wife to be is the gift of further understanding who they are.
- ASG
