To borrow a phrase from my friend Jonathan, the SBC is the “successful Black couple.”
The SBC is a couple – married or committed – that revels in the beauty of being together. SBCs unapologetically love and forgive and are sick and tired of people being negative about marriage and commitment. SBCs don’t buy into the popular sentiment that marriage is for White people. SBCs reject the thought that all marriages – especially Black ones – end in divorce. In fact, the D word is shunned as a part of the vocabulary of the SBC – much like how contemplating your own death is usually a morbid no-no. News flash: Just because Tiger or Tasha did the wrong thing in their marriage doesn’t mean anyone else will.
SBC’s believe in the power of cooperation, they’ve thrown away their “lists” and they have a set of agreed upon, established goals they are trying to accomplish together. SBCs know that wealth and education are easier had together than apart. SBCs are also mature enough to know that they are done playing the field – or perhaps never played the field at all – and therefore are OK being with each other. In fact, in their eyes, there is no greater prize than the other half of the SBC.
I had the pleasure of sharing a chocolate dinner (yes, you read that right, a chocolate dinner) with a fellow SBC. Fully confident in each other, they enjoyed their meal/dessert and shared stories of their couples love with me. We bonded over stories of doing things together as a family unit, learning together, growing together, learning how to be selfless and in so doing showing others that SBCs are the rule, not the exception. I know of another SBC in my age group, my girl Tearsa. She encourages her friends to tweet about positive Black commitment.
I agree with Tearsa’s stance. If we spent half as much time talking about what DOES work and what is RIGHT and GOOD about Black relationships and Black people in general, then the immature failed-at-being-romantic betrayals of prominent Black athletes would be inconsequential to us and would have no bearing on our own relationships. I suggest that we flip the script. Start from a positive place. Believe that you can be a part of an SBC. We do exist.
I’m part of one. My parents are in one. Most of my cousins (who are married, that is) are part of one. My boss is part of one. My hubby’s parents are definitely an SBC, as is my sis-in-law and her hubby. My wedding dinner hosted some 300 people and 80 percent of them were SBCs. We went to Orlando to celebrate our one-year anniversary with another SBC from Philadelphia. My church is full of SBCs. My fav group of journalists are all successful SBCs. When I go out to dinner on Friday nights, I see SBCs all around me – laughing, clinking glasses, showing off sparkly wedding bands and rings, rubbing pregnant bellies and holding hands.
Don’t you see them too? If not, try looking a little harder. Or perhaps you’re in the wrong place.
SBCs tend not to be in the club, but they will be in the lounge. SBCs hold lots of house parties and dinner parties and game nights. SBCs serve their community at soup kitchens or Girl Scout troops or by volunteering at the youth center together. They attend Delta balls or Kappa balls or Links events. Wannabe middleclass? Sure, if that’s what you want to call it. But to see it from a more positive viewpoint, one of the beautiful aspects of such goings-ons is that they celebrate the SBC rather than tear it down. In fact, often at such events, to be part of an SBC is expected.
Now, there are also SWCs, SHCs, SNCs and SACs. It’s all good no matter your race.
Do you want to be part of a successful couple?
It takes one to know one. If you are single and you want to strengthen your SBC range, then start hanging out with other SBCs and their like-minded friends. Surround yourself with people who believe that Black love is more than simply possible, but that it is the Way and the Truth. Remember that like attracts like. Great minds hang together. Positive minds hang together.
Remember: the negative person looks around one day and discovers that there is no one listening to their complaints.
But us SBCs? We’ve found our flock and we support each other. It aint always easy, and yes we get on each other’s nerve, but we stick together. Our mindset is to stay together forever. Period.
SBCs of the world rise up and show’m how it’s done.
