A number of soon-to-be weds have asked me if the hubby and I had marriage counseling prior to tying the knot. Yes. We did. It’s a requirement of the church, in fact, and it was a requirement of the pastor. He told us that since he was marrying us, he is responsible before God for making sure that we understand the commitment we were about to undertake.
We had several good sessions. I can’t discuss everything that took place, but I do think it’s important for all couples to talk over what marriage means. I’ll never forget when the pastor asked us if either us of still had a little black book. He said that all of my friends needs to be the hubby’s friends and all of the hubby’s friends need to be my friends. And if we have friends who’ve yet to meet the other, then we all needed to have a collective pow wow or forever get rid of them from our lives.
Black books are for singles, he said. If you want to keep your black book, then you need to reevaluate why you’re getting married.
There were other lessons too, like how we would worship together, how we would raise children, where we would spend holidays, how we spend money, whether the hubby knows that I like to buy shoes and I know that he likes to buy CDs, what’s in each of our bank accounts, understanding each other’s credit score, liking each other’s parents/sisters/brothers, talking about household chores, talking about separate vs. combined bank accounts, discussing moving for the job (his or mine,) discussing sexual expectations and on and on and on.
You have to know who you are marrying and marriage counseling helps you see them in their totality. This way, if you don’t like what you learn, you can break off the engagement.
You don’t to be married before you realize that your wife has secret friends on the side and has no intention of getting rid of them. You don’t want to be married before you realize that your husband will make babies, but has no intention of helping you raise any babies.
These are questions you must ask. ANd if you like the answer great! If you don’t, then maybe it’s time to take a break.
People are who they are before you marry them, we were told. You must love them from the get-go because they will not change. At best, you will learn new things together and grow together as a married couple.
Are you on the fence about counseling? Don’t be. The best gift you can give your husband or wife to be is the gift of further understanding who they are.
Did I mention that I’m the only chick in my fantasy football league?
There’s the Haitian Sensation, Brady’s Shoulder, G-Men, Street Cred, Blaze, GSU Tigers, We Dey All Dey and many others, including myself, Sookie Sookie Now.
I’ve got a team name that at least stands up to the imaginations of my league mates, and I’ve crept from last place to 6th place. I know, it’s not that high. However, when I consider that my learning curve has sprung up astronomically, I’m pretty happy not to be last.
Last week I picked up Denver’s defense and dropped the wack defense of the Kansas City Chiefs. Good move. Though the Broncos lost on Monday night, I picked up 15 fantasy defense points, enabling me to cream the Haitian Sensation, or the Gambler, for my Boston friends who probably know who this is.
I should’ve played Hines Ward from the Pittsburgh Steelers, but I ran with Wes Welker of the Patriots and Marques Colston of the New Orleans Saints. Neither Wes or Marques had high point games, but that’s because they were up against teams that had awesome defenses, so it was difficult to get the ball into their hands (me thinks…) Anyhoo… I wound up with 101 points and the Haitian Sensation had 71.
I’ve also discovered a slough of ladies who have joined me in the fantasy struggle. Not only is Holly Robinson Peete an avid fantasy fan, but my friends over at the blog Heels In the Huddle, a friend at the Christian TV network and an editor at the Wall Street Journal have all shouted out “i play too!” And guess what, the girls all seem to be winning. This week, anyway…
One of my friends – who stayed with us for the weekend – wondered aloud how men can watch 12 hours of football and never leave the couch.
I told her that just like how we can watch Sex In The City or I can watch The Lord of the Rings for hours and hours on end, men can watch football. This friend was not asking the question as a criticism. She was truly interested in the topic. And she’s not the first one who has asked me how I, as a newlywed, can “stand” to watch football for the entire weekend.
Here’s the answer: It don’t bother me.
And frankly, with so much going wrong in the world, what’s wrong with checking out of it for 12 hours to enjoy something purely wholesome that takes your mind away from worldly worries.
Here’s the deal… Watching football as a hobby is far better than say, robbing banks when you’re bored. As they say, know your man. No point in marrying him if his football fetish drives you up the wall. That’s why it’s important to get to know the person you’re considering for your mate. If this football thing pisses you off, then he’s probably not the one. And trust, ladies, whoever he is BEFORE he marries you will only intensify once you are yoked up in taxes, homes, kids, vacations, deaths and births.
Anyhow, I don’t mind that the soundtrack to my home is football and now the NBA (specifically, the Celtics.) I know the man is home when I walk in to the smell of popcorn, a smattering of Heineken bottles and the sound of screaming fans emanating from all the TVs. That’s home, at least that’s the sound of home until the season ends.
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For those of you checking in on my Fantasy Football induction. Well, I’m better this week than last. So thanks for all your encouragement. I have 593 fantasy points for my team, Sookie Sookie Now. I am no longer in last place. Whew.
This is not to say that I’m not close to last, but I’m two spots away from being “the newbie who knew not what to do.” The lowest point earner has 544. The highest? 700 or so. I had a bit of a reprieve two weeks ago when Tom Brady and the Patriots completely destroyed the Tennessee Titans 59-0. It was a snowy, cold game. And it was such a huge blowout that Brady got me close to 50 points all by his lonesome. Hurrah! Brady to Welker is a magic, magic sight when it comes to fantasy football.
Moving on to this past Sunday’s game versus The Buccaneers. They played in London, at Wembly stadium (part of the NFL’s massive plan to bring football to the world and monetize it along the way…) The game went swiftly.
The Pats won, hands down. Final score? 35-7.
But a win for the Pats doesn’t mean a win for me, necessarily. I lost this week’s bout to the team known as Haitian Sensation. I only lost by 30 points, but I did lose. In the end, it’s not the points that matter, but the actual number of wins. Right now I’m 2-4-0. Two wins. Four losses. Zero ties.
Tonight I’m scouring the waiver wires for more players to pick up. I need a quarterback to play during Brady’s bye week. I’ve already got Sanchez, but I’m not sure if I should play him. We’ll see if I find another. Frankly, there are just too many players to research and lots of guys on the FF team, and so I’m left doing an eenie, meenie, miney moe type of thing with the few players who are left.
As you know, I’m a newbie to Fantasy Football. I thought I’d picked the magic quarterback, Tom Brady, and a few magic receivers in Wes Welker, Correll Buckhalter and other players including Hines Ward, Joseph Addai and Neil Rackers (kicker.)
For my lady readers, see pictures here:
I had Chad Pennington as my backup QB, but then Chad got injured for the whole season. I had Earl Bennett but he never get the ball. Then everything went downhill from there. Welker’s elbow messed up, so he was out for a game and he remains a big question mark for the rest of the season.
So I picked up Mark Sanchez from the NY Jets as my backup QB. He was doing SOOO well. Unfortunately, not for the game that I played him in. He’s still a rookie. A good one, but one who fumbles a bit too much.
So… my team “Sookie Sookie Now” is in 10th out of 13th place in my league. That really sucks. And it sucks worse because I’m the only girl in the league and I hate for those guys to think that I don’t know what I’m doing – even if it is kinda the truth. I’ve got something like 230 points total. Everyone else is rocking 500 points.
My husband is doing well even during his bye week. Sigh. Of course, he’s New Orlean’s QB as his main guy. My cousin is doing better than me, and that’s because on his team is every football guy whose name you see in commercials or who has his own TV show.
And to add insult to injury, someone offered to trade Brady for two unknown receivers who are bench players. C’mon guys. I’m not THAT stupid.
I’m not sure what my strategy should be for the rest of the season. I’m very far behind the 8-ball now. I’ve got great receivers, but they’re not quite pulling in 22 points a game, like dude from the Titans. Wish I had him. At this point I’m lucky if Brady pulls in 18 points a game, since he keeps throwing the ball to the wrong team…
I’m going to scroll through the waiver lists today, trying to find someone else who is good. Maybe I should shuck Sanchez for someone new? Maybe I should break up with Addai? I dunno. However, though I’m losing, my experiment is still working: I care about football now, I enjoy spending this time with my husband and I actually know who many of these players are.
Case in point: I actually engaged in “football talk” at the bar last weekend, leaving my girlfriends dumbfounded and silent as I was surrounded by guys who wanted to know about my fantasy team. Of course, I’m married, so I didn’t need the guys, as evidenced by all the kicks to my ankles from the girls. I tried to throw the guys their way, but it didn’t take. My recommendation to them? Learn to play fantasy football.
Senagalese superstar singer Baaba Maal swept through the Chi as part of his US tour to promote his new album, Television. He’d already been to L.A., been featured on National Public Radio and on CNN and he’s now on his way to New York to perform on the Jimmy Fallon show. I was honored to be asked by Baaba’s company to moderate a discussion with him, the man who has dedicated his life’s song work to tunes that make a difference and is frequently compared to none other than Bono in terms of the world music scene.
It was just Baaba and I on stage, relaxing in two leather chairs with four bottles of water between us. First question. Why call this album Television?
(dear reader: please not that his answers are not direct quotes, but approximations of the conversation. I did not have a notebook in hand during my on-stage interview. I’ll be posting the entire show in a week or so.. These are just my own notes.)
His answer? Africa has always had TV but now it’s more prolific and everywhere. It’s a stranger coming into your house with words and sounds that are foreign, yet familiar. It’s a good idea and a bad one all at the same time, especially now that everyone recognizes that there is culture to be preserved amongst the peoples who populate the continent of Africa.
Second question. This is your first album in eight years. What have you been doing in that time frame?
His answer: I started a music festival in my hometown in Senegal. I am what you Americans might call Fulani and I give my people and all the people of Africa an opportunity to come and play music in December for a stirring festival. It’s called the Blues de Fleuve Festival and it takes place in Podor, Senegal. I’ve been working with the people and with the United Nations Development Programme to improve Africa, to show that through music we can improve and bring the technology and education we need to bring Africa to where she needs to be.
He then performed a 20-minute acoustic set with two band members. You can view a portion of the set here. This is actually my favorite song off the album, “Dakar Moon.”
More on Baaba….
We talked for about a half hour as the crowd of 100 listened, laughed and clapped at many of Baaba’s comments. He talked of the irony of folks expecting African music to sound a certain stereotypical way while those folks insist that Africa must give computers to every household. You can’t have it both ways, he says. Once you give the people technology, they will use it everywhere – including in their own music.
We talked of the criticisms of Television, wherein many say that his music doesn’t sound “African enough” for them. He laughed, adding that he is evolving his traditional music and that the heartbeat – the drum – is ever present.
I asked him if he’d ever be interested in being an actual politician. He quickly said no. The crowd roiled with laughter. Why? Because Baaba IS politics, because in Africa, a musician is just as powerful as a mayor or a president.
We talked of Femi Kuti, the terrible situation in Guinea, Obama’s Nobel Prize, generational musical differences, the marked absence of hip-hop on his album despite the marked addition of Latin tones and why his entire album supports the thrusts of the United Nations Development Programme.
Basically, he told me, AFrican artists do not sing just to be singing. They have a point . Every verse has meaning and everything has to eventually help raise the consciousness or education of the people. He doesn’t have time to sing craziness. He sings solutions.
Baaba wanted to know if I had ever lived outside of Chicago.
I have. I’ve lived and worked in several US and non-US cities, in fact.
I told him that I’d been to Dakar (the capital of Senegal), while on a fellowship provided by both the United Nations and the National Association of Black Journalists. I was there to cover the UN youth summit and development program. (I loved Senegal and almost cried when I had to return back to the states, but more on that in another post.)
We connected when talking about our mothers and female empowerment. He doesn’t believe that women need to only sit home, raise babies and cook dinner. Raising a family is necessary for culture to survive, he says, but mothers in Africa have so much to offer in terms of sheer brain power that it’s time to harness that.
He said so much. I learned so much.
My favorite song off the new album is Dakar Moon, a haunting, melodic tale that reminds us to be ecological stewards of the planet. It’s also one of a very few songs in English on his album. The rest is in Wolof, French and the other languages that Baaba speaks.
If you’re not up on Baaba Maal, now’s a great time to expand your musical palate. Even if you can’t understand the words of Tindo Quando, another acoustic-guitar heavy song that sounds like a sad yet triumphant lullaby, you will sway to it and be moved by it. Music lovers take note. This is one album to add to the collection.
1. Brazzaz, the Brazilian steakhouse, is an ultimo cool place. All you can eat rump roast, coulette, oysters, beef ribs, chicken, grilled pineapple. Ah. the Works. We ate for four hours last weekend, just because we could. Well worth the $45 per person.
2. Jimmy Fallon is better than the Scottish dude.
3. Q-Tip the Abstract plays jazz piano on his new/old album.
4. Sometimes, when you turn the other cheek, people interpret the turning as weakness.
5. Everyone could use a little management training, no matter how long they’re in the business.
6. I’ve rediscovered haiku. I like it.
7. Living room furniture that does not match is OK
8. Microwave popcorn that has expired won’t pop. It just burns and stinks up the house.
9. PR people that respond quickly are so easy to work with.
10. Sunday is my birthday. Hooray for me and my full moon this week.
I didn’t blog last week about FF because frankly, I was depressed about my team. Tom Brady had a bad two weeks. And sure, the Pats won the last game, but at the same time, New YOrk Jets rookie quarterback Mark Sanchez got more fan points. And my alternate quarterback, Chad Pennington, got injured and taken away for the rest of the season.
Therefore… I’m glad that I snatched up Sanchez two weeks ago.
See Evidence A below:
I’ll be playing the rookie come Sunday. I hope he does me proud. He’s getting paid $50-million over the next five years to bring those Jets to the Superbowl. Oh yeah, the team is 3-0 right now. Sadly, this is where the Pats ought to be.
In other FF news, I started following Terrell Owens on Twitter. He’s a hoot. Me gusta. However, why are his first 30 or so followers lusty, busty women? He doesn’t have any regular, ah, non-enhanced friends? Interesting… He’s not on my team anyway, and I guess that’s a good thing as the person who owns him right now is trying to trade him. If you didn’t know, TO’s streak ended last week. He came close to, but didn’t quite break, a record.
Are you a fantasy follower? Be sure to check out the fabulous writing of Eric Gibbs (yes, we’re related) at sportsgrumblings.com. He does the rookie report and the injury reports on a weekly basis. It’s good stuff. Find his report at: http://www.sportsgrumblings.com/football/articles/articles/631/1/Rookie-Report-Sep-30-2009/Page1.html
Viola Davis and Taraji P. Henson graced the cover of Ebony in May 2009. I wrote the story, so I got to hang out at the photo shoot to get a feel for the ladies and their personalities. I’ll never forget how I met Viola. I arrived to the location early (a mansion in an ultra swanky part of a suburb of L.A.) and my cell wouldn’t work inside the house because of its 24 carot gold-plated walls. (Seriously.) I went out to the gates, past the guard house to the street to call my husband. (I’m a newlywed, remember?) And I see this beautiful black woman trudging up the street with suede boots, a purple sweater and a book. It’s Viola!
I go down to meet her. We walk in together. I show her the house, introduce her to the owner, bring her to the back room where her makeup artist is waiting to do her hair and apply makeup.
I love this photo!
We took this picture after a swanky lunch in Beverly Hills.
The house belonged to a famous jeweler. His daughter was house sitting make sure we didn’t take any jewels or anything. Of course, the body guard were there to prevent anything – not that I would take a thing! The house had diamond chandeliers, a fireplace large enough for me to walk in and a backyard with a river running through it.
The owners loved fantasy novels like J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit, and their backyard showed their whimsical fancy.
THe same guys who cooked for Diddy also cooked for Taraji and Viola. The food was extremely good. Breakfast, lunch and dinner for a loooong looooong shoot. Omelettes to order, salmon, designer tea, oatmeal, fruit salad and designer coffee for the am. Braised chicken, asparagus salad, kobe beef, apple pie, chocolate cookies, seafood salad (with real crab and lobster), and more designer coffee , water and pop.
We retired inside for fancy pictures in the red room.
In the red room at the photo shoot in the mansion.
The photo shoot went down at an old warehouse outside of L.A. It’s where the SAW movies were filmed. I stayed at the Standard on Sunset Blvd. (Verrry funky hotel.) I arrived on a Wednesday, left on a Sunday. While there, I met Andre Harrell (and interviewed him for the article) and others, including Capricorn and Diddy’s PR team. Below find a few pictures from the set. I shot and therefore own the pictures folks! No snatching please!
DIddy posed on this bed for part of the Ebony photoshoot
Stylist Derek Roche put together Diddy’s outfits. This is the last one, taken in a brick alley outside of the warehouse. I don’t have pictures of them, but the whole Combs crew was there, including the adorable Christian Combs and a mysterious one-eyed cat.
We ate well at the event. The caterer provided turkey burgers, hamburgers (grilled to order of course), fresh fruit, various salads, cookies, crisps and tons o veggies. I think the plates of candy were a nice touch.
Yep, I wrote it. I spent four days hanging with Diddy at his Los Angeles compound, various music studios and on the set of one of his TV shows. It’s on sale now at news stands and book stores everywhere.
